


Way Too Much Whiskey

by pinkeow



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Drunk Dialing, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Regret, Sad, atsumu is suffering, pls give him a hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-21
Updated: 2020-06-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:27:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24843022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinkeow/pseuds/pinkeow
Summary: Atsumu gets drunk and makes a stupid decision.
Relationships: Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Comments: 8
Kudos: 175





	Way Too Much Whiskey

**Author's Note:**

> hello i am here with sakuatsu angst. honestly idek where this came from. my mind had a brain baby and i wrote this in an angst-induced haze.
> 
> malibu nights by lany is a perfect song for this hehe
> 
> enjoy !

Glass. Ice. Liquid fire.

“Eugh.” Atsumu groans as his throat and chest scream in agony, begging for the onslaught of whiskey to stop. Fairy lights dance in his vision and they do little to help his balance in a world that has been skewed by a few degrees. A force of a thousand blows leaves his head throbbing, a constant pulse that is close to erupting. It hurts.

But to Atsumu, nothing compares to the searing ache he feels in his ribcage, his heart a shattered remnant of what it used to be. There is an unsettling desire to claw it out and to bleed himself dry until he becomes numb.

Miserable. He thinks condescendingly to himself. You deserve to be miserable.

Now, it is a known fact that when people get drunk their sense of valor is heightened and their inhibitions are loosened. Atsumu is no stranger to this phenomenon. He checks his phone, the screen staring back angrily at him with its bright light. Letters mold into one another, creating a chaotic amalgamation of black despite Atsumu’s efforts to blink his eyes into focus. He clenches the piece of metal in his hands as his mind whirs, a reckless idea forming within its deep recesses.

He is so intoxicated and so tempted.

Really, what does he have to lose? His pride? His obstinacy? None of those matters anymore. Not when it was his stupid pride and obstinacy that made him push Kiyoo—Sakusa away. Put him at an arm’s distance because he was too afraid. Afraid of what, he could not provide a proper answer.

Then, Atsumu hears that Sakusa is with Ushijima and the news feels like a drop off the end of a chasm. There is disbelief and there is anger. The inky black tendrils of regret creepingly attach themselves to him: on his legs, his arms, his neck—consuming him until he is left gasping. A shriveled mess of a person who wants to turn back time and earn his redemption.

To let Sakusa know how much he is in love with him.

Because all he did was waste his time, turn a blind eye and keep Sakusa in the dark. Atsumu deluded himself into thinking that Sakusa would be there forever, that he did not have to do anything more, that they could keep playing that sort of cat and mouse game. Oh, was he greatly mistaken.

Sakusa ended up slipping from his grasp. The signs were there, close and obvious enough to see, but Atsumu refused to acknowledge them. Thread by thread, they became untangled until only a flimsy string was left. A string that easily broke. Now, Ushijima stands in the spot that Atsumu belatedly realizes he wants to be in and the most he can do is look and yearn. 

The alcohol thrums in Atsumu’s veins. It fuels the idea of a confrontation; courtesy be damned. He wants to call Ushijima, wants to talk so he can yell at the latter to take care of Sakusa because he can’t do it. He can’t do it and it sucks. Also, because he is drunk. So drunk that the feelings of jealousy and sadness overwhelm his senses, leaving no room for coherent thoughts.

A short intoxicated ramble would be fine, right?

With very little coordination, Atsumu presses the call button on his phone.

The line picks up on the fourth ring. He does not give Ushijima the chance to give a proper greeting because he is already yelling, “Ushijima-san! You better shut the fuck up because I have a bone to pick with you!”

Silence.

Great. Atsumu thinks. “You are so lucky. Do you know that?” He hiccups and tastes a little bit of the acrid whiskey on his tongue. “Omi-kun is your boyfriend. H-how were you able to do it when I couldn’t? How were you able to tell Omi-kun you loved him?”

The call does not drop after his bold statements, so he figures that the other somewhat wants to listen. “Omi-kun is so great. So so so great!” A bitter laugh escapes his lips. “But I didn’t let him know that! I think I just toyed with him, Ushijima-san. I was suuuch...” He pauses as if to think. “A coward.”

“Did you know that Omi-kun slices off the crust on the bread?” Atsumu suddenly switches gears as he continues with his inebriated spiel. “Did you know that he has a whole ritual when he does his laundry? Did you know that he absolutely hates when the toilet seat is left up?” He says all in one breath. “You should take note of these Ushijima-san!”

“He…Omi-kun…He has a lot of weird habits and rituals and you might find them irritating at first. But…” Atsumu’s voice slurs. “But those things grow on you! I said it already, right? Take note of them! It would make him so happy.”

There is a crackle on the other line. “Hey. Are you still there Ushijima-san?”

“Mm.”

“G-good!” Atsumu exclaims gleefully as he downs another glass. “You should...You should...” He feels his whole body burning. “You should take care of him well. Make him the happiest man ever. D-don’t you ever hurt him. Heaven knows how much I want to be in your position, but I already lost my chance.”

Spinning. The whole room is spinning. Atsumu almost trips over a small table. “I’m such an asshole, right? T-talking about my feelings for your own boyfriend. It’s alright. You can despise me for this.”

Atsumu can feel the bile rise in his throat like a dam ready to burst. He drank too much. A loud thud echoes as he plops on the cold floor. He guarantees that when he wakes up tomorrow, little will make sense. “You know what I...what I regret the most?”

No response.

“That I didn’t even...fucking try.” Atsumu spits. “That I couldn’t muster up the courage because I kept on making bullshit excuses for myself. That it’s all too late and he’s never going to know.” And there is a crack in his voice that reflects his broken heart. “I wish that I let Kiyoomi know how I truly felt. I love him so much it hurts.”

A few seconds pass, time going awfully slow.

“It’s true what they say,” Atsumu muses. “You only ever regret the chances you don’t take. I learned that the hard way. I hope you give him all the love that you can because he will surely give you all of it back.”

“Good night. Ushijima-san” Atsumu bids goodbye and blacks out.

\- ♡ -

There is a click as the call abruptly ends.

“Kiyoomi?” Ushijima whispers, ruffling his hair that is still wet from the shower, a towel wrapped around his waist. “Are you alright? You seem a bit shaken.”

Sakusa blinks back the tears in his eyes as he clenches his phone, his knuckles turning white. “Y-Yeah.” He lies through his teeth. “You don’t have to worry, Wakatoshi. I’m okay.”

**Author's Note:**

> hmu @KElRlNS on twt ! (the two i’s are lowercase L’s)


End file.
